Sharing a marriage biodata safely

A biodata sent to one person can be in a thousand phones by evening. Decide what goes on it with that in mind.

Why care is needed

A marriage biodata carries exactly the information a cheat or a stalker finds useful: a full name, date of birth, photograph, family members, occupation, phone number, sometimes an address and income. Once it is posted in a community group or sent to a broker, you cannot call it back. Most people who receive it mean well. A few do not, and it takes only one.

Keep these off the biodata

• Full home address. City or locality is enough.
• Identity numbers: Aadhaar, PAN, passport, driving licence.
• Bank, salary and property details: salary slips, account numbers, plot numbers.
• The person's own mobile number, at first. Give a parent's or sibling's number as the contact.
• Exact workplace address and office timings.
• Photographs that show the house number, vehicle number or children.

Two versions

Keep a short version for groups and first contact: name, age, height, education, occupation, city, family in two lines, and one contact number. Keep the full version, with photograph and details, for families you have already spoken to. The biodata maker has a "Copy without contact details" button that gives a text version for posting.

Sharing in WhatsApp groups

• Post only in groups whose admins you know or which belong to a known community body.
• Read the group's rules; many ask for a fixed short format.
• Prefer text to a photograph in open groups. Send the photo privately once a family has shown real interest.
• Ask the person concerned before posting. It is their life and their picture.
• When the match is fixed, tell the admin so that the post can be removed or marked.

Group admins: our neighbour site chat.shareyourgroup.com has group rules you can adapt, including for matrimonial groups.

Matrimonial websites and brokers

• Use the site's privacy settings: who can see the photo, phone number and horoscope.
• Talk first through the site's own messaging before giving a phone number.
• With a broker or bureau, ask whom your biodata will be sent to and get the fee terms in writing.

Warning signs of a fraudulent profile

• The person asks for money: for a medical emergency, a customs fee on a gift, a visa, a business problem. This is the commonest pattern. Do not send money to someone you have not met and verified, however moving the story.
• They are always abroad or travelling and cannot meet or video call.
• They press for a quick decision or for secrecy from your family.
• They ask for private photographs, or for bank details, one-time passwords or identity documents.
• Details do not hold together: the job, the city, the family story change between conversations.
• They avoid your family meeting theirs.

Verify before you commit

1. Meet the family at their home, not only at a restaurant.
2. Confirm education and employment: a visit to the workplace, a look at an appointment letter or identity card, a word with a colleague.
3. Ask plainly about any earlier marriage, and see the documents if there was one.
4. Speak to people who know the family independently: neighbours, relatives in that town, the community body.
5. For a match settled abroad, verify the person's residence status, job and marital status with particular care, and involve family or friends in that country.

Honest families understand and welcome such checks, because they will be making the same ones.

The first meeting

• Meet in a public place or at home with family present.
• Tell someone where you are going and when you expect to be back.
• Arrange your own transport.
• Take your time. There is no need to decide on the day.

If something goes wrong

If you have been cheated of money or are being threatened or blackmailed, do not stay silent out of embarrassment. Tell your family, keep all messages and payment records, inform your bank at once if money was sent, and report the matter to the police. Fraud of this kind is a crime, and the shame belongs to the cheat.

After the match is fixed

Ask people to stop forwarding the biodata, withdraw the profile from websites, and tell group admins. Old biodatas keep circulating for years unless someone says the search is over.

Questions people ask

Open the marriage biodata maker